The Art of Becoming Perfect
by Elise Leain
Summary: Kurt begins a new diet that soon goes out of control. He cuts back on food more and more everday and soon he finds himself with anorexia. Will anyone be able to help him in time? Warnings: Anorexia
1. Chapter 1

Hello! This is my firts fanfic. I am swedish so english is not my native tunge so if you notice any grammar or spelling errors, please tell me. Just to clarify a few things: this takes place in the second season when Kurt goes to Dalton and in this fic Blaine is older than Kurt. The first chapter will be a bit short but if someone reads and likes it, I will write more in the future. Warnings: eating disorder

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Kurt locked into his bathroom mirror with a disgusted gaze. How did he become like this? He was fat and disgusting and he hated it. The fat was everywhere! Kurt had always been a health freak, he never ate candy and only very rarely did he eat fast food. But clearly it was not enough. Tomorrow he promised himself, would he start with his new diet. How hard could it be?

He was just going to cut back on his calorie and carb intake and work out a bit more. He had done it before when he was on the cheerios. But then he stoped and he gained back all the weight again. But this time he would not make himself gain the weight back again.

No one ever needed to know about the diet. He smiled at his reflection, soon his body would be beautiful!

The first thing he did the following morning was to sit down at his vanity to write down a food schedules:

Breakfast: One fruit or one cup of blueberries.

Lunch: one salad without dressing, just greens and nothing else.

Dinner: A small portion of the food his dad ate.

If he had it his way he would eat a salad for dinner too, but then he couldn't watch over his dads diet. After his dad's heart attack he had taken it upon himself to make sure that his dad took care of himself and that he ate right. He couldn't lose him. If his dad died he would kill himself, he had decided that a long time ago. He shock his head and tried to stop thinking about it that would'nt happen, he would do everything in his power to make sure that his dad stayed healthy.

After he was finished making sure he looked as good as possible, he went downstairs and took an apple from the fridge, the first meal on his new diet. This was easy. He still was a little hungry but, he should be fine, as long as he drank a lot of water. If everything went as it should kurt would eat about 800 calories a day and with exercise on that, he should lose all this unnecessary weight in no time!


	2. Chapter 2

Hellow boys, girls and non-binary people! One question do you prefer short chapters that come quite often or longer chapters less frequently?

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When kurt arrived to dalton he immediately tried to find his best friend Blaine. The curly haired Warbler was one of the most amazing people Kurt had ever met. He was beautiful, caring, intelligent and had a talent for music and dance. Sometimes he really couldn't figure out why Blaine wanted to be his friend. because kurt where non of those things.

He still had not become accustomed to Dalton. It was so extremely different from McKinley, but in most ways it was better. Instead of the ugly corridors in McKinley that was so typical of America's public schools, Daltons halls var tastefully decorated. the hierarchy of McKinley didn't seem to exist at all in dalton. Most of the students was nicer, although many of them were a bit snobbish. The food was _far_ better then it had ever been at McKinley and to Kurt's joy they had a salad bar.

But the best thing about Dalton was _Blaine._ Beautiful,, intelligent Blaine. Kurt smiled as he thought about the beautiful Warbler that has helped him so much._  
_

Kurt didn't really notice what was going on around him so when Blaine said hi he flinched.

"You shouldn't scare people like that Blaine!" Kurt said with a smile to show Blaine that he wasn't really angry,

"And you should learn to notice what's going on around you" Blaine said back with a teasing tone. In that moment the warning bells for the first lesson rang.

"See you at lunch?" said Blaine

"Yes" was all kurt had time to say before he was forced to hurry to the first lesson of the day.

In his third lesson of that day Kurt really couldn't concentrate on what his french teacher was saying, which was annoying because in Dalton they actually could teach him something even though he was really good at french. He had begun to feel really hungry two hours ago and now all he could think about was lunch and how he finally would be allowed to eat again. But he was sure it would be worth it in the end when he was skinny. Many people would probably call him vain for caring so much about how he looks, but they didn't understand. He wasn't special or extremely smart or something like that. He couldn't allow himself to be fat too because then nobody would ever want to be with him. And yes, he did understand that his methods maybe wasn't the most healthy ones but they did work and that was the important thing.

When it finally was time for lunch kurt was starving. But unfortunately the only thing he could eat was a salad. With a small sigh he walked to the salad bar and put together a low-calorie salad.

The looked around in the big school cafeteria in search for Blaine but he couldn't see him anywhere.

"Hi" said a deep voice behind him. Kurt spun around and looked at blaine.

"Have you decided to scare me to death today or something!?" said kurt with a startled look on his face.

"It really doesn't seem to be that hard"

Kurt glared at him before starting to walk beside him to a empty table besides a window where they sat down to eat. Blaine gave kurt's salad a confused look.

"It's that really all you are going to eat?"

"Yes, i had a big breakfast" Kurt lied easily.

Blaine let the subject go but decided to keep an eye on Kurt. From the first day they met blaine had noticed how skinny kurt was and how little he ate, first he had written it down as stress but then he should have begun to eat more, not less. He was going to figure out what was going on with his skinny frend.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a week since Kurt started his new diet and it was beginning to work. He had lost five pounds, and that was good but not _nearly_ good enough! His goal weight was 95 pounds because then he would have a bmi of 15 which was the same bmi as most models had. But to be able to reach that goal he needed to lose twenty five pounds. At least if he didn't grow more. To make the diet more efficient he had decided to skip breakfast and cut out all meat from his diet. He always awoke before everyone else so no one saw if he ate breakfast or not and if somebody asked why he didn't eat meat he would just say that he felt sorry for the animals. That was kinda true anyways, he had been a vegetarian before so no one would think it was weird if he did it again. He was also going to start doing sit-ups every morning to get a flatter stomach. He already run four times a weak and trained dance once a week. If he didn't count the weary easy dances the warblers did to all their songs. Hopefully, if he did everything right he would reach his goal weight in two months.

After the Warbler's training that day Kurt and Blaine sat and studied. Blaine had promised to help the younger boy with his homework as it was much harder than the work Kurt was used to getting at McKinley.

Blaine had tried asking Kurt if something was wrong several times the past week, but Kurt always managed to change the subject and make him forget everything he had planned to say. Blaine didn't know what to do, didn't now to help kurt. Especially because Kurt tried to pretend that nothing was wrong and didn't seem to want any help. Maybe he is overreacting, people often tell him that he does but Blaine didn't think so. Not this time. And to make things even worse Blaine was sure that Kurt has lost even more weight. If Kurt talked to him about it maybe he wouldn't be so worried. He looked at kurt as he sat and stared at his math book with a concentrated look on his face and couldn't help to smile at how cute he was. In a platonic way of course! Blaine's smile got replaced with a worried gaze. What was he supposed to do?

That night kurt went out for a run. But after just twenty minutes of runing he was totally exhausted. He didn't get why his body wanted to give up already! He used to be able to run _much_ longer without getting this tired. But he battled through the tiredness and keept running. His heart beats far to fast and his lungs was burning."Just a little bit more then i can rest. Its not that much more left."he thought. He stumbled and almost fall to the ground his legs where shaking beneath him as he stumbled to the side of the road and leaned against a tree. He just has to rest for a minute then he was going to start running again. He just has to catch breath first.

After a while Kurt tried to run again but he stumbled and black dots was dancing before his eyes. Eventually he just went home, feeling like a total failure.

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Please if you notice any grammar or spelling mistakes tell me and i will fix them! :)


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt walked slowly into the house when he came home from the run. His skin was unusually pale even for him and he was breathing heavily when he went through the living room where Carole and Burt sat and watched the news on the television.

"Honey, are you okay?" Carol asked with a worried look when she saw him. Kurt nodded and waited until he had caught his breath before he answered.

"yes, I was just out for a run."

"Maybe you should take it a bit easy then, me and Carole could cook tonight." his father said. He had noticed that Kurt had been acting kind of funny and almost a bit nervous recently and he had begun to be a bit worried for Kurt. He had thought that it would go away when he left McKinley, but even though Kurt wasn't as bad as he used to be he had not made the progress Burt had hoped for. Maybe it was just stress as Kurt had told him when he tried to ask him, but for some reason he doubted that.

"No, i want to do it, I actually think it's really relaxing to cook. I'll just take a shower first."Before Kurt could go up the stairs, Carole began to talk to him again.

"Kurt?"

"yes?"

"Are you sure you are okay? You look like you have lost a bit of weight..."

"it's just stress. Dalton gives out a lot of homework and their lessons are much harder than what i am used to."

"Okay, just make sure to take care of yourself honey"

"I do" Kurt said white a smile and walked up to his room.

"Why don't you eat the chicken? It's really good!" Finn asked Kurt at dinner that night."Because i'm a vegetarian, as I have told you a million times by now."

"Why?"

"You are together with Rachel, Finn. She is a vegan and have explained why people shouldn't eat meat a thousand times!"

"But she talks so much and uses so big words so i just pretends to listen to her..."

"You now, the chicken was alive once and i think it wanted to stay that way."

"Okay, but..."

"Finn" Carole interrupted him "We can take this discussion later, eat now."

"So, how was school boys?" Burt asked and Finn began talking about a new guy on the football team. People that said that girls talk alot should hear how Finn could go on sometimes. But right now it was good because no one saw that Kurt almost didn't eat anything but, instead he just cut the food in small bites.

That night Kurt sat with his computer on google and searched for dieting tips and wrote down those that he thought sounded good. He was so unbelievable cold but Kurt knew that was good because he had read that if you were cold you burned more calories. Immediately after he read that he had gone and shut of the heat in his room. That was the first thing he found on the internet that he thought sounded like a good idea. It wasn't the most pleasurable thing to always be cold, but it would be worth it. He had also decided that he was going to buy caffeine pills so he would be able to work out properly again. He still didn't really know why it had gone so bad the last time he tried to work out, but hopefully the pills would help him. He took a sip from his water glass and read through his list:

-Drink between 13 and 15 cups of water every day.

-Eat slowly, this way you will feel fuller sooner.

-Eat mostly salad and _always_ avoid carbs.

-Find reasons to move around and walk everywhere.

-Green tea will help your metabolism and does not contain any calories.

-keep yourself cool, your body will burn calories trying to keep you warm.

-Use the three-bite rule with dessert: Have three small bites and put your fork down.

-During your workout, rest no more than 30 seconds between exercises. This will dramatically bump your calorie burn.

-Finish eating three hours before bedtime. Your metabolism slows down when you sleep so you shift from fat burning to fat storage.

He went to bed early that night, but even though he was totally exhausted sleep just wouldn't come. He was so cold he was shaking and his lips had turned blue. He curled up in his bed in a desperate attempt to keep himself warm but it didn't help very much. Maybe he should put on the heat again... But no. To be cold burned calories and _that_ was the most important thing right now. If he stayed this fat no one woud ever love him, he woud always be a disappointment in his fathers eyes and he could just forget ever working on brodway. Being a bit cold was a cheap price to pay for the happiness he would get when he was skinny and beautiful.

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As always tell me if you find any grammar or spelling mistakes. I really want to get better at english so your help is needed. What did you guys think? And am i the only one that thinks that Burt can cook? I mean i now many people think that burt is to "manly" but come on, he had a kid to take care of even though he couldn't before Kurt's mom died i think he learned for Kurt's sake.


	5. Chapter 5

Kurt tried to be careful as he drove to school that day. He was so tired all the freaking time nowadays and he knew that that really wasn't a good sign. Two weeks had gone by since he started this and Kurt had begun to realise that this had become far more than just a diet for him and that he really should stop it before it began to harm his health too mucht. He was so tired all the time and the caffeine pills Kurt first just bought to be able to work out regularly was now something he needed to be able to go through the day without falling asleep. But he still couldn't tell anyone about his little... problem. He made himself like this, now it was his burden to bear. And, if he told anyone they would just make him eat anyway and he just couldn't do that! After all the hard work he had done to get thinner, he couldn't go back to being that fat again. He would rather die! He knew that that was a terrible and hurtful thing to say, and he didn't think anyone else should think that way. But the only thing Kurt was really good at was starving himself, and he had to keep going. He wouldn't stop until he became perfect. Even if it ended up killing him. But to be fair Kurt was also kind of happy with it because no matter how hard and terrible the "diet" (or whatever it was at this point) was it really did work. All of his old clothes was now way to big for him and he had lost a lot of weight. And, that really was the important part that he was getting skinnier. He took a deep breath. Everything was going to be okay. Soon.

Later that day he unfortunately had gym class normally that wouldn't be so bad, but right now Kurt feels like he would rather endure a two hour long math lesson the having five minutes of gym class. The teacher has decided that soccer should be the game of the day. Many of the other boys got excited, but Kurt just wished he could skip the class and go to lie down for a while.

Kurt began to feel really dizzy after just thirty minutes off playing and he played really badly to his teammates annoyance. When the teacher finally told them that they could go Kurt almost feel like he was going to pass out right there. Even changing his clothing was hard because he was shaking so badly and his vision was blurry. After he had managed to get changed into his school uniform, he went to eat lunch with Blaine.

Outside the dining hall Blaine stood leaning against the wall while he waited for Kurt to come, he was later than what was usual for him. Blaine had grown incredible worried for the younger boy lately. He seemed to be losing weight at a faster rate then Blaine had thought was even possible and he always seemed to be extremely tired. As he looked up he saw Kurt slowly walking slowly towards him seemingly lost in his own thoughts."Hi!" Blaine said as he walked towards him. "Are you okay Kurt?" Blaine said with a worried gaze as he saw Kurt's face. He had never seen someone so incredible pale in his whole life, his cheeks were sunken and he was shaking visible."Kurt?!" Blaine said again and laid a hand on Kurt's shoulder."Kurt, you need to talk to me!" Blaine said with a frightened voice. Kurts legs chose that moment to give up and Blaine just managed to catch Kurt, before he fell to the ground...

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Hello dear people! I hope you like this story and sorry for the cliffhanger. I was wondering if any of you guys are good at grammar and spelling and would like to help me edit future chapters? i am a swede so I am not the best when it comes to doing things like that in English and i now many people can't stand reading a fanfic with bad grammar. It would be really nice of you if you could do that! :)


	6. Chapter 6

I accidentally delete the first part of this chapter, so I had to write it again. It's very short but I hope you like it! :)

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"Kurt!" Blaine cried as he sat on the floor and shook Kurt's small, lifeless body "Please Kurt, wake up! Come on Kurt! Please Kurt just open your eyes for me!"

But when Kurt didn't show any signs of consciousness despite Blaines begging , Blaine's panic grew and he almost feelt like he too would pass out too. Why was this happening too Kurt!?

"What happened?" asked Wes as he walked towards them, through the small crowd of students that had formed around them.

"I don't know! He just passed out!" Blaine said with panic in his voice.

"Please calm down, Blaine." said Wes as calmly as he could. As he sat down to feel for Kurts pulse. It was a little bit fast, but not dangerously so. He didn't think they would need an ambulance. At that moment Wes was really glad that he had listened in his health class so he knew what was normal and when you should call an ambulance.

"Blaine, do you think you can carry him to the nurse? Or do you think you will need help?" asked Wes and looked over at Blaine.

Blaine stood up and bent down and picked Kurt up from the floor and held him to his chest.

"I can carry him. But Wes..." Blaine said with tears in his brown eyes "he doesn't weigh more than a child and i can feel all of his bones! Wes, what the hell is wrong with him?"

"I don't know Blaine. Let's just take him to the nurse, she will know what's wrong with him."

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The first thing Kurt noticed when he woke up was his headache, it feel like his head was going to explode any minute now and the rest of his body didn't feel much better. The second thing he noticed was that he was being carried. If he was stronger he would have jumped right out of the person's arms because he didn't want anyone to feel how heavy he really was. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up at the person that was carrying him and saw that it was Blaine! And, oh my god why was Blaine carrying him? Off all the people in the world why, Blaine?! Why couden't he just remember what had happened?

"Kurt?" Blaine said and looked down at him. "You're awake! Oh my god Kurt, i was so worried about you! How are you feeling?"

"What happened?" Kurt asked with a weak voice. "Why are you carrying me?"

"You passed out sweetie, and i am taking you to the nurse."

"I don't need a nurse! You can put me down now so i can walk. You really don't need to carry me, Blaine."

"You do need to see the nurse Kurt! And, i can see how hard it is for you too even speak, you are in no shape to walk right now." said Blaine in a serious tone. "Just relax now, Kurt, we're almost there. She will take care of you."

Kurt tried to protest but, as he tried to speak he began to feel dizzy so he closed his eyes again and rested his head on Blaine's warm chest as he went back to unconsciousness.


End file.
